Learn to say "NO", it works & it's good and healthy tendency too
It often occurs in our day to day life that we find ourselves in dilemma what to do when someone known/ unknown seeks some favours or makes some requests. It generally happens when one wants to say No to their offer but does not know how to say No.
Most of my readers must already be knowing how to say No. It's a good tendency and healthy too. Immediately, it may hurt the front man for some time but same people do appreciate later for this habit of frankness. For the simple reason that without loosing their time they may try some other alternatives.
There are many among us who neither say yes nor no and keep the others in dark and trying to impress of help but ultimately turn out with unfavourable response and by so doing not only harm others but also damage their reputations and once the faith is shaken, it carries whole life, like "If mirror is broken, line remains." This is a very unbecoming practice and it is always better if this habit puts to a permanent stop at the earliest.
In case, anyone approaches suddenly with favours of unknown kinds. In such situation, if we don't say No in shyness or in hesitation, we shall have to loose some way or other in the end. Therefore, we ought to learn how to say "No" where necessary. Better say it with suggestion attached.
Suppose your neighbour invites you on the occasion of his daughter's birthday and for some good reasons, you are unable to attend. Instead of saying straight way No you can refuse him in a manner like, "it would have been our great pleasure if we could be able to attend but we regret our inability to come this time because of preoccupations but, I would definitely attend next time if given advance notice." With such reply without annoying him, we indirectly said No and also put the ball in his court. First of all, he would never bother us for an immediate favour in future and if at all not without advance notice.
Today, no doubt, everybody is busy and hence lacks time. Therefore, one should never take other for granted, we should value his time, therefore, for taking any help or favour from anyone it is necessary that he be given long notice.
During our time (1956 onwards) thinking of these is beyond the realm of our imagination. Our upbringing was entirely different from today. Saying No was something like SIN and usually, nobody dares to say No. Elders wishes were like commands/orders for us. We had to obey them either in obedience or out of fear or because saying No was not in our culture. Had we learnt to say firm NO we could perhaps been prevented from many ills and untoward incidents of our life.
Our schooling too passed with most of the teachers were, "Hard Task Masters." So we were all surrounded and conditioned to follow the command everywhere as an obedient person.
I, myself, have been unaware of such vital fact for a long time hence often suffered. Generally, responsible people are loaded with extra burdens, as no one like the irresponsible person as far as execution of the job is concerned. This may be one reason I was always handed over the most critical job in personal cum official life both.
But, sometimes, we are put in such situations when we have no choice to say yes or no but to ACT.
Just see the following two incidents related to my English Professor Sahib of Gorakhpur University whom I often visit.
- One fine morning, I had gone to see him (my professor Sahib) who is no more now. He was planning to go to Deoria to attend some court proceedings. It was about 1.5 to 02 hrs journey by bus. The moment I entered his house, his joys knew no bounds, and he, without wasting a single moment passed on court's job to me with proper instructions, what and how to accomplish the job. Within half an hour I was on the bus bound to Deoria. I finished the job there in the court and returned Gorakhpur by 06 in the evening.
- As usual, the same way when I happened to see him one evening, he ordered me to go to Chandigarh urgently next morning by first available train. It was something related to his doctorate degree. It was the period when terrorism was at its peak there. Never mind, I reached there, contacted the fellow there in Chandigarh in the early morning about 4 O' clock got the job done and returned next day with devoting full three days.
This is how we are trained to meet many challenges of life during the course of academic studies under the mentorship of our Professor Sahib. When assigned any job from him, there was no option but to obey. Without fail, we always accepted them as, "blessings in disguise" and thank God, I never returned empty handed. And it will be unfair if I deny the fact that the lessons I learnt during the course of association with him always pays me handsomely till today.
But we are happy that things have altogether changed to something far better now. Neither parents are so conservative nor hard task masters welcomed anymore anywhere nor children of the day are as innocent as before, courtesy social media exposure and latest electronic gadgets in their hand since childhood.
Rather, these days, we have reached the stage where ill treatments of any nature to children might cause for punishment to both parents and teachers alike.
However, it is heartening to note that majority of the parents have learnt the art of moving with the time faster by always standing by them (wards) and also by getting along with them to cope and adjust to the demanding and emerging situations in larger good of family, society and the country.
Jai Hind.
Writer- Sinha.P.K. Views expressed are strictly personal. Feedback / Criticism welcome at Email -pkmsinha@gmail.com or follow @ pkmsinha.blogspot.in
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